What Your Favorite Halloween Movie Food Says About You
What is your favorite food in a Halloween movie? Before you answer, know that you will be unreasonably judged.
Although that may sound harsh, who doesn’t love to be categorized? From horoscopes to Buzzfeed quizzes to personality types, the urge to know thyself via other’s inaccurate assumptions is stronger than ever, and I’m simply here to deliver.
This list is, obviously, unhinged and wildly truncated. While I would love to be comprehensive, if I opened this up to every spooky movie ever made, the list would never end. More to the point, judging hypothetical people based on their hypothetical favorite food in a Halloween movie isn’t exactly a scientific enterprise.
To narrow it down, this post covers movies that lean more towards camp, irony, lightheartedness, and/or gently poke fun at horror and Halloween. Or, perhaps they feature scenes with trick-or-treating.
Either way, this vibes-based list is strictly funny business, and simply meant to put a little pep in your step this All Hallow’s Week!
(And — if you are here because of my recent interview with Ezgi Eren at 11am Saturday, welcome! We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled food-in-film commentary next week!)
Burnt Popcorn and Beer in Scream (1996)
When it comes to food, you care more about aesthetics than taste, but you also hate that observation, because your aesthetic leans more towards retro candy bars than trendy cronuts. You like going to screenings of The Exorcist and forcing a romantic interest you’ve recently met to come. You are terrific at exactly one niche video game. You think flying to Alaska to visit the last remaining Blockbuster sounds like a fun long weekend.
Handsy Shrimp Cocktails in Beetlejuice (1988)
You actually don’t mind when someone you know sneaks up behind you and covers your eyes to surprise you. You love haunted houses / corn mazes, theme parks, and attractions like Top Golf. You like beer but don’t really drink too much. You love eating fancy hamburgers with lots of toppings at restaurants. You’ve been a little scared to watch Beetlejuice Beetlejuice but you’re going to cave and watch it soon.
Apple Cider and Full-Size Candy Bars at Alison’s House in Hocus Pocus (1993)
If you’re of age, you drink so much alcohol that you fib a bit when your primary care doctor asks you how many drinks you have a week. You know how to stop home pipes from freezing in the winter and how to change a tire. You like percale sheets, wear real pajamas to bed, and own at least two robes.
Cat Hamburgers and Watermelon in House (1977)
You shop on Depop, eBay, and Facebook Marketplace often. You have a pretty practical job that you’re always considering quitting. You have WhatsApp downloaded on your phone to talk to friends in lots of different countries. You’re really excited about yuzu hot sauce and the tinned fish renaissance. In early 2020, you had reservations to go to one of those restaurants where they pour hot chocolate syrup on a melting chocolate ball, and were a little too disappointed you couldn’t go when the pandemic hit.
Midnight Margaritas in Practical Magic (1998)
You tend to move around a lot, and dream of having a house like the one in Practical Magic in your old age. If someone asks, “How are you,” you usually answer with brutal honesty, regardless of setting. You had some strange, potentially paranormal experiences growing up. You have a chronically cracked phone screen and, off the top of your head, know how to spell “pharaoh”.
Morning Breakfast in Casper (1995)
You always pick “dare” games of in truth or dare. You think low brow humor is objectively good and equalizing. All of your small talk is peppered with jokes, and you occasionally use finger guns to underscore your point. You own multiple coffee-making appliances but almost always buy your morning coffee.
Witch’s Brew from the “Bubble, Toil, Trouble” Microwave in Halloweentown (1998)
You were really obsessed with the pop culture drama surrounding the release of the film Don’t Worry Darling and are low key upset how quickly culture has just moved on from that, but at this point it’s weird to talk about so you keep it to yourself. You’ve drunk Redbull multiple times in your life, and keep 1-3 fun-sized candies in your bag, car, or pantry at all times, just in case. You probably work in STEM, teaching, medicine, finance, or operations and logistics. If you use anything other than he/him pronouns (or are secure in your masculinity), you like novelty coffee drinks (think lavender mocha lattes).
Twinkies in Ghostbusters (1984)
You don’t care to learn how to cook well and spend a lot of money on takeout. You have been known to make fun of gluten-intolerant people, but secretly your digestive system can barely handle a burrito. Your favorite foods and drinks change quarterly. Despite your questionable diet, you’re otherwise quite the catch, and have never been single for more than a month.
Schwartzwälder KirschTorte Cake in Young Frankenstein (1974)
When presented with a cocktail menu, you will always choose the drink with the best name. You like biopics and dark chocolate and being out in the rain without an umbrella. You’ve watched SNL since you were a little too young. You are a paying subscriber of three or more newspapers.
Wine and Roasted Chicken in Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
You enjoy vintage and mid-century furniture and card games. You have a problematic dependency on a specific brand of lip balm, and hate it when people recommend something else (even though they’re probably right.) Your favorite dishes have strong umami flavors. If you drink, you only drink spirits straight, but you very well might be sober.
Meatloaf and Toast Props at The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) Screenings
At weddings, you clap and cheer when the bridesmaids and groomsmen do coordinated dances. You love to dress up for Halloween, especially when you get to use cheap colorful makeup. Remarkably, you have a pretty sophisticated palette but are always down for a roast beef sandwich or s’mores. You like both cats and dogs equally, and you like tequila. You’ve either been involved or will be involved in an elaborate, surprise marriage proposal.
Candy Corn Cereal with Strawberry Yogurt in Twitches (2005)
You go all out for birthdays, baby showers, and other personal celebratory events requiring little planning. You wish you were invited to more dinner parties. You wear jewelry every day and like colored velvet. You say you don’t like “drama.” Your parents threw away a beloved childhood toy of yours and you still hold a little resentment about it. If you brought the same energy to work as you do the group text message threads coordinating this year’s elaborate group Halloween costumes and plans, you’d be promoted quickly.
Green Food and Popcorn in Troll 2 (1990)
You were really into Vine in its heyday. You read a lot and use glasses with an outdated prescription. You enjoy Nilla wafers, Jaffa cakes, and off-putting food combinations like pickles and peanut butter. You’re fantastic at most parlor games (cards, charades, board games, mafia, etc.) and possess a lot of soft skills. You’re a very busy person and have a hard time making time to watch movies, but try to watch Troll 2 or the documentary Best Worst Movie at least once every few years.
Did I Miss Something?
Drop your favorite Halloween movie food in the comments below!
To Listen While You Snack
Happy Halloween everyone!!!
In Case You Missed It
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With gratitude,
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I am so Practical Magic
I am both scared and curious about the candy corn cereals. But I think I would still go with that option and your description of what it means about me is perfect 😂.